Hey Manda.. I am going to be brutally honest.. because I believe that you can't fix what you don't acknowledge.. I believe that you are hurt and pissed and you have every right to be! Allow yourself to be all of those things,, feelings are not wrong or right, they just are. A tremendous bond of trust has been severed here... and perhaps much of your anger is because of that.. How do you move forward and back into your relationship knowing how close he came? How do you get trust back? Is it possible? I believe it is possible but not without tremendous commitement and work.. He has to start today with making things right and he will need to put in overtime to start a new history with you that is based on trust. He is no longer allowed to f*ck up with ANY LIES!! none This is now a non negotiable..
You also deserve answers to any questions you might have.. How long has he been doing this.. Is this the first time? are there others? Has it only been online (not that it is any different, cheating is cheating is cheating)
Get the answers you need until you feel satisfied. .You may want to see a marriage councelor.. to help guide you through this healing process..
This is very huge.. remember. .a leopard does not change its spots.. once a cheater always a cheater.. He just got caught this time.. remember that..
Again, alot of work will need to be put into repairing this and you have every right to be pissed.. he rocked your world out of his own selfish desires..
Call a counselor.. there are loads of them and there are many that will help with reduced fees if you cannot afford it.. do the leg work from your part to start the reconcilation.. then go from there.. You are wise not too make life altering desicions in the heat of this emotion.
Good Luck.. I will pray for you..
((((((((((((hugz))))))))))))))))Newley weds dealing with cheating?
I hope you do not sleep on the couch.. he should be on the couch, not you..
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I am confused about the whole archive thing. When exactly did it happen? I consider this just like looking at porn. Its not like he is going to ever met up with this woman it was most likely him home alone and horny. I think you need to worry when he has womans phone numbers in his cell or he comes home smelling like perfume.
it's kind of scary that he did this so early in your marriage. but he sounds really sincere with the way he's apologizing. give him the benefit of the doubt but tell him he's not trustworthy for a long long time. men can do really stupid things sometimes and not really have any reasoning behind it, which is probably why he lied.
He needs a hint that you truly love him, but don't let him off too quickly. he will be much more likely to overcome this stuff if he can believe you really love him in spite of his action.
OK he slept on the couch. So now you talk it over one more time.Say your where really hurt , you love him etc. Get it out and be done with it. You can't hold on to it forever or it becomes a bigger issue. Just address it and go on ';I sure hope you didn't like the couch I missed you in our bed';
You could get back at him. Show me your goodies on web cam!
First of all....... that sucks what he did.
How long you stay mad is up to you. After awhile carrying around all that anger gets heavy... you'll know when you can let it go. I would say that if you are committed to the marriage, holding on to the anger will just get in the way. Letting go of it, though, will let you guys get back to the business of being man and wife....
Good luck to you... I admire your committment... hope your husband appreciates that too!
you stay mad as long as you are mad; but he's apologized and there's not a lot more he can do but re-build your trust....you need to either get over it (and that means have the last conversation about it and never ever bring it up again) or divorce him and since that isn't and really shouldn't be an option...you'll have to take the first option.
Good job Manda. That was a great start. The things I really liked as I read your story was 1.You're not just gonna give up on this young marriage so easily and 2. His remorse. I suggest you ';punish'; him a little longer and then make up. Make up for good! The secret is to get through this and put it behind you. Once you forgive him, it's forever. Don't keep bringing up and lose all trust or your marriage could die. In summary:, fight, make up, forgive, and forget. Good luck and congratulations on you wedding!
Stay mad forever, you'll be just like the marriage is ten years old and convince him that all he did wrong was get caught. Either you spice up his life or someone else will!
You say archive? was this before you were married. Its hard to forgive and forget.. but if this was in the past, i think you did the right thing, I would let it go this time, if more happend down the road..sometimes you have to go through these horrible things, to make your love stronger.
then that will be another questions!
IF you ';stay mad'; and hold this over him you will NEVER have the ';happily married'; that you told her you are!
Forgive him and don't bring it up again, and DON'T have him sleep on the couch again! If you keep doing that and keep bringing up his mistake he will find somewhere else to sleep! ! !
if he cant give u a reason why he did it than there is no reason y he wouldnt do it again and i would point that out to him
That's pretty sad that he's done that and you've only been married 3 months. He obviously doesn't realize exactly what the word 'marriage' means yet. I'm assumng you never knew he'd been doing this. I think it's a waste of time for you to 'decide' how long to stay mad. What you've already done is enough.
The only thing further would be to ask him in a non-confrontational way exactly why was he doing it and did he not know it would hurt you %26amp; your marriage? He may have thought it was just 'fun' %26amp; didn't even consider the impact it would have on you. Hopefully, he's thinking about it all %26amp; has learned a lesson.
i think if you choose to stay mad its going to damage your bond moreso....yes your man was wrong to initiate anything over the internet with this woman but he has admitted this wrongdoing and left you a poem which took lots of effort to compose...
if you are willing to forgive this incident...which you should...dont prolong it as then it will escalate and you will argue more and then you will be more upset and treat him coldly and it will be damaging to your marriage,
overlook this now and try to calm down and talk to your hubbie explaining again how upset and hurt you are...he will make a big effort to make things up to you and you will enjoy a more loving household then argueing :o) good luck
';what is sauce for the goose...';
show him how his actions have been so hurtful... and pay him back in kind...:D
take it easy dear,marriage have much more value than all these hunkey punkies.best of luck to both of you.
I don't know which is worse - him defiling your marriage or you defiling the marriage bed by ostracizing your husband out of it. Both are hugely destructive.
Not a very good way to start a marriage.
You both need to find the path for forgiveness for BOTH your transgressions. Find that healing now and it will serve you well in the future.
Marriage is not about love - it's about forgiveness and commitment. I guarantee you will not ';love'; each other in the future. This is the nature of marriage. Learn the other's now and you will know peace and contentment and LOVE.
';I made him email her saying that they were never to have contact again and that he was happily married and that last night was a big mistake I read it over and sent it. He slept on the couch last night and left me a letter apologizing and wrote a poem that said he was terribly sorry.';
Ahhh the teenager got caught an Mom punished him...
Next time he will be more careful.
This sounds like classic mother/child relationship --- so far based on what we know he is acting like a child and you are treating him like you are his mother --- the one difference is most tennagers grow up but that wont happen here, rather this will get old for both of you eventually.
I suggest couples therapy if you want to try to change this dysfunction.
Don't you hate it when these people on here come back with some kind of useless, hateful answer? Anyway, what you need to do is sit down and tell him that there will not be any lies in this relationship, and if you find out that he so much as lied about the socks he wore to work then you are GONE. then you ask him what made him want to do what he did. Was he bored..... bored with you...... seeing what he could get away with...... whatever it may be demand an honest answer. Then after he has answered them to your pleasure.....you let it go. Leave it alone and do not throw it up..... but DO keep your eyes open.
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