Why are we even getting married?

this is more of a statement then a question so here goes',


after reading several questions about cheating, and being cheated on i am quite sadden by our lack of regard towards marriage. i know the pains first hand of being cheated on before i got married,and it still affects us,his past cheating, strips us of a lot of the joys and benefits of being married.the whole point of being married, in my mind is for two people who not only love each other ,but also respect one another and there beliefs,options etc Not saying that two people will ever agree on everything, but to at least value each othersopinionn. people are looking for others to take responsibility for their own actions it took two people to stand at that altar or whatever and pledge not only to each other but to them selves to give it their all, for f*** ever !! it didn't say only if he are she doesn't get fat or stop sleeping with me .. omg grow up these are lives we are ruining hello not yours how about those kids you we so eager to hurry up and have? if we all would take the time and energy to help our marriages as we do to ruin em we probably would not have to deal with cheating huh ? these are sad sad timesWhy are we even getting married?
these are sad sad times but if you realise there are much people making the same or close statements on that subject so maybe these are the precursor for new and better times where people will benefit from all your experiences. its great that people share their experiences. thank you. i wouldnt like to cause my future wife to feel that sad. i dont care if she gets fat or anything. till the end @%26gt;-'-- :)Why are we even getting married?
Marriage is a failed institution that has absolutely nothing to do with love. Marriage is a social contract that has been used since ancient times to garner wealth(financial security) and status to a woman and man. If a man had lots of money, he had lots of wives. Men married for sex and to secure bloodline by producing as many children as they could afford, and women married for money because most of them had no incomes but their parent's incomes.





Today, that still may somewhat be the case. Men often marry to secure a sexual relationship, which is why when they aren't getting any sex, many of them get it somewhere else. In addition though, in our society where ';feelings'; matter, men also now marry for companionship. Women still marry for money in many ways(and many divorce for it too), and they also marry to legitmize their sexual relationship with a man as to not appear like a ';w-h-o-r-e'; or ';s-l-u-t';, even if they've been sleeping with the man unmarried, for years.





Forever is a long time, and these days, with women not being at home alone in Madagascar with 20 kids for her entire life....And, with men not working in the same corn field for 30 years, forever is even longer! Today, women and men work together, side by side. We see each other as equals, and have many things in common. In addition, people don't stay in the same neighborhoods anymore, and don't stay in the same job. We live in a world that changes constantly, and when environments change, so do people. We, as people today, are not like people of yesteryear(no matter how romantic yesteryear seemed). You are lucky if you find someone who happens to change with you, or someone whom you can at least remain happy with through all the modern day life changes that are the reality today.





Unfortunately, we are still trained to believe in an ancient institution without living lives for which it was applicable. Even 50 years ago, people remained in the same neighborhoods, and cities, and stayed in the same jobs, and life was relatively predictable. This is not the case for people today, and our marriages reflect that. How can you make a ';lifelong';(50+ year commitment or contract to someone) in an ever changing environment? Who will you meet 5, 10, 15 years from now? How will your spouse treat you after the move to a big city from a small one? What will happen if your spouses income plummets from $80,000/year to $10,000/year and your home gets foreclosed upon, your spouse gets depressed, and ends up hooked on Zoloft for the next 10 years? What happens when you no longer want to have sex with this spouse because of said issues, but your spouse needs sex?





You suggest that people ';grow up';, and I suppose you mean that they keep their promises. But again, think about it. People make a promise to marry usually around age 24-30. We are asking college aged people to make a lifelong promise to someone, until they DIE, to be with someone else forever. This someone else the person has likely known for less than 10 years(unless they met in JR. high), and yet they are supposed to commit to them FOREVER. Growing up should mean not making promising that we can't keep in the first place. Once you've made a bad deal, maturity would be to either get it right, or to move on, not force yourself, your spouse, and your children to suffer LIFELONG through a mistake you made in your 20's.
There isn't really a point to it and sadly most people cheat eventually :-(





Harriet
Cheating and dishonesty are such hurtful things, particularly in marriage. I wonder if it isn't related to the complete lack of two people, even those who are married, being able to communicate with one another.
I agree with you... the reason why I'm getting married is because after searching for so long not only did i found a partner but a lover, friend, companion someone who understands ( or try), who listens, someone that I don't mind getting old with.


Couples go trough a lot of obstacles and is between them to try and overcome them, working together. In order for a marriage or relationship to work you need to give and receive share, forgive but never forget because when you forget the damage done... you are allowing more damage to get in.
well it is nice to hear that there are still people out there that want to have faith in marriage and look to it as something to be cherished and honored. God bless you and yours. :)
there are many positive aspects also!but for people who cheat and are getting cheated may be not getting married is an option,


but wait!they too get hurt when their partnres cheat!





its for people who value people
So true. It's sad how a lot of ppl enter marriage seeing it as something disposable. Celebrities marry and divorce like it's an everyday thing and it sickens me how something as sacred as marriage has been turned into a mundain thing. Yes there are reasons for divorce, good ones out there but the first thing is to try not run when things get less than perfect. Star for you :)
What you speak is the truth, it is a shame that so many people get married out of lust, and then when the lust is gone find that they have no common ground to sustain a marriage. We have to take a test to drive, I think we should also have to take a test to get a marriage license.
I'm not going to marry. I'll just adopt a girl. I'll date men though...