If you dealt w/ cheating in marriage, do you still get angry?

I've been married 15 years and my husband has had two affairs that I know of. The last one he admitted, but only after much prodding. I completely do not trust him or his desire to be close to me or to let me know what really happened in our marriage.





Although we did work out most of our issues, sometimes my anger flares up to unbelievable levels and I just get so damned ANGRY! I remember things that happened a while ago, that maybe were more than I thought they were. Things that made me suspicious. If you dealt with infidelity, and you forgave them(please if you left, your answers will not help me) how did you deal w/ the anger after the crisis had passed? I have trouble w/ the idea that he said in counseling ';Why does everything have to be so out in the open all the time?';. I'm scared, still, and he has a habit of patronizing me and putting me off, instead of answering my questions about it.If you dealt w/ cheating in marriage, do you still get angry?
I cry. I yell. I get it out. It's only been 1-1/2 months since I found out my husband cheated. We've committed to making our marriage work though.





When I've had a bad day - a day when I think about it alot - I don't hide it. The last time I started talking to him about it he said ';I don't want to get into this right now.'; I told him he no longer had that choice. I needed to talk and get my feelings out. I don't give a damn if what I had to say hurt him or made him feel more guilty. He has hurt me and I am trying to get over it. He is the only person I have to talk to (none of my friends or family know about the situation), so I need him to listen to me.





And after I vent for a little bit, I feel much better. Then I can go a few days, maybe even a week without having another breakdown.





I don't think these feelings will ever go away. You have been hurt just as I have been. We just have to pick up the pieces and try our best to move on.





Good luck sweetie!If you dealt w/ cheating in marriage, do you still get angry?
to work towards healing an affair, the person who had the affair has to be completely open about it and answer any questions that you might have. even if they don't want to and as painful as it might be. he isn't doing that, so you still have all the questions and doubts because they never get settled.
You used the word dealt as if you were past it.





And it is evident that you aren't. So use the word dealing and yes you will get angry about it. That is part of the process.





When you have truly dealt with it(as in, past it, over it, moved on, etc.), then you won't get angry anymore.





Good luck.
You appear to have alot of bitterness pointed directly towards your husband, in a way I dont blame you, but on the flip side these resentments will only lead you to doom. I dont have the answer to your marital problems, but I can give you a recomondation, %26amp; thats to seek out outside help, it seems like maybe you tried that already? Im not sure, but if you did %26amp; you didnt get down to the real issues that are going on then you will get no where, %26amp; also if one therapist didnt work out for you, try a different one, as they all differ. Theirs a old saying that goes, change nothing %26amp; nothing changes, if you both dont work together as a team you will not have success in this marriage that is screaming for change!!
Incredible anger is normal. You are human. It may last a long time and you may need to forgive him repeatedly. I left my situation. I give you credit for trying, but someone who wants to change is open to doing so. That means conversations, therapy, etc. Whatever it takes. If someone is not willing ot give you that, you need to stand up for yourself and demand it. Some things are meant to last some are not. I am not sure what you did not learn the first time through, but it seems to have repeated itself. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Good Luck.
If you are determined to stay in the marriage and want to get past this I will tell you something someone once told me. When you forgive a transgression put it in a box on a top shelf. Meaning you accepted the action and willing to put it away. You know it's up on that shelf but if you bring it down and open that box you will revisit the act- then you have to work on getting over it all over again. If you truly forgave him....then forgive him. Leave it in the box on the top shelf. Revisiting and continually asking questions once forgiven will keep you from healing and moving on.
i just try to leave it in the back of my head. that's all i can do. i say i forgive him, but do i really? i dunno. i never bring it up. i have brought it up once in the last 3 years, and that was in the heat of an argument. i told him how much i changed after he did that to me and how much he has f*cked me up from doing that. i would be a totally different person if he hadn't done that to me and proobably a better wife. just leave it in the back of your head, and try to move on. if you simply can't, then it's time to move on
You're bound to feel this way after being treated the way that you have. You may have forgotten the issues when you had tried to sort through them, but you've not forgiven them and they are still bothering you...and it's left you feeling unloved and angry at how someone could do such a thing to you.





IF you're adamant to stay and want to wok through it then you need to speak to him. If he won't speak about it then you have to tell him that you'll basically leave unless he can at least have the decency to speak to you after hurting you at least twice over by cheating.





Good luck.
I think your answer could be where you said ';we work out most of our issues.'; Could it be that maybe there is something else that needs to be worked on? Maybe you need to work on all your issues. My heart really goes out to you because of everything you had to go through. You said that you don't trust him. If you don鈥檛 trust him then your husband's cheating will continue to haunt you and you'll continue to get angry. You also mentioned that don't really want to know what happened in your marriage. Do you know that whatever happened had probably nothing to do with you? Your husband cheated on you but it does not mean it was because of something that you did. Wouldn鈥檛 you want to know what really happened? I just feel that the anger is still there because you never had a chance to really let it out. I also feel that your husband has no clue the damage that he did to you by cheating on you. I know you are scared but you are going to have to get through this man so he can really understand what you are going through. You've been married for 15 years and I can see that you're not ready to give up on this marriage so you need to do something that will help you, to forgive, forget and trust your husband again. And the only thing I can encourage you to do is speak with a professional. Get help to learn how to deal with your anger and also learn how to trust your husband again. This is the only way that you will be able to put this nightmare behind you. You need to get up in the morning and feel good about your marriage, your husband and your life. And I honestly feel that if you get the help that you need then you鈥檒l be free of this anger and you鈥檒l learn how to trust again. There is nothing wrong in getting help. Sometimes we can talk to our friends about our problems but sometimes it better to find someone who knows how to deal with situations like yours. Good luck.
I don't get angry anymore because when I decided to stay in the relationship and forgive him I also decided to leave the cheating in the past. I can't change it nor can he. But......we, without any marriage counselor, sat down and talked and he always answered my questions to help me heal and understand. Also, he was very remorseful and felt like a complete idiot and always was supportive of my need to be shown that he could again be trusted and believed.


He seems to want to squash it under the rug without taking full responsibility for his actions. You can't do that and go on in any marriage. Try being honest with him about your need to discuss it for once and for all; to get answers and the truth is, you will not ever be able to believe in him if he does not earn your trust back by his actions and words. Try the sites below; may help you