How to deal with a cheating wife...?

My wife cheated on me before we were married - but I just found out about it. The cheating itself hurts, but the person who she cheated with makes it hurt even more. I really, honestly love my wife - but I'm hurt badly. And I don't want her to touch me because I'm repulsed by the thought of it.





Our marriage was GREAT until I found out - and I know that what's in the past is in the past, but how do I get past the repulsion?How to deal with a cheating wife...?
Well, naturally. You thought you were marrying someone with one set of character qualities, and got quite another. I don't think she should be shocked that this has led to a lack of trust and pain.





I don't know how you found out about it, but that person did you no favors. I am betting it wasn't her, and I will tell you why this is a good thing. She knew she screwed up and it would bring you needless pain.





That said. Pretty much everybody who is old enough to get married has done one thing or another that is wrong. You didn't marry a perfect person (neither did she), you married a person.





It will not do your marriage any good to hold a grudge, and now that the cat's out of the bag, you have to deal with it, which is going to be difficult. She has likely put it behind her, and it's completely new to you. You will have to remind her of this fact, and ask her to give you some time.





Good luck.





Edit: Well, that information was helpful. My husband always said we had trust issues as well. But I must say, he had trust issues before he met me. And his having trust issues was not the same as me being untrustworthy. At least no more untrustworthy than the most people.





It would be wrong to say I have never lied. But if I lie about how much I ate, because I am embarrassed about my weight gain, is that the same as a trust issue?





Your wife cheated on you. She kept that from you because she knew it would hurt you. However, you have continually sought out that pain by asking her over and over. You either didn't trust her before you got married (in which case, whose fault is this, anyway), or she has done things to make you not trust her.How to deal with a cheating wife...?
I guess the saying is right, ';what you don't know can't hurt you';, If you had never found out you would be happy and not repulsed with her today. But, never-the-less you did find out and you are hurt. You know this was before you were married. I am sure that it isn't something she is proud of and probably regrets. She can't change something that has already happened, you are the one that is going to have to forgive her. I know that is hard to do but if you want your marriage to work you will have to, that is the only way to get rid of the anger. Maybe you have never cheated, but I'm sure you have done something that needed to be forgiven, you need to put yourself in her shoes. You have a right to be angry, but when you are tired of letting the anger build in you just let it go.You will feel a lot better.
First off, I wish you the best of luck and hope you can move on so you can be happy again.





1. If you haven't already, talk to her about it and let her know exactly how you feel. Hopefully she will react honestly and let you know that she is really and truthfully sorry for it. After all, you both married each other for better or worse.


2. If she truly loves you, you'll know.


3. It's going to take time for you to get over the repulsion.


4. If you don't think time and talking it through will help enough, than I suggest getting some marriage or church consoling.
Ah... insecure a bit, are we? Didn't notice the fact she's been with you after the other person so you might just have been the better guy for her?





If you can't get over it and you can't deal with being touched anymore, then it is time to separate and go your individual ways because you aren't able to meet her needs and expectations and she isn't able to meet your needs and expectations.





Otherwise--if you might be able to get over it--then you two need to contact a professional, sit down, and hash this thing out--especially your insecurities.





Good luck!
Technically it is not in the past if she cheated on you. You have every right to feel the way you do. You have been hurt and have lost trust. You probably wont get past the repulsion unless you really want to make things work with your wife. That is something that you are going to have to work on if you want to keep your marriage.
Well leave it than to stay in the past...I can understand you,my husband cheated on me too,but I'm getting a divorce...Let me tell you one thing,that helps me to get over my stress situations in life..: I always try to look everything from a brighter side, and deal with my problems on that way.I mean if she is nice to you right now,these days, and if your marriage is great....forgive her the past but be honest with yourself over that.The marriage is also a love between the couple ,commitment to be with through good and bad.....love someone with good sides and lacks...and forgiveness.But some of us just can't forgive.What am I trying to say, is that if you're still sure that you love her....so bad...than forgive her and don't ruin the marriage.You must be honest with yourself at first....Have a good luck....Bye:).
That's a toughie. The most logical answer or advice I can give is this. Whatever you both did before you started your life as husband and wife is irrelevant. The day that you both swore an oath to one another you started a new life as one.





I know this sounds really mushy and probably stupid, but it's probably the only way I could look at it and not be disgusted with my wife. Actually, I'm getting married in 6 days, so I hope she would tell me she cheated on me now before we got married.
Remember that this was the past. If the person she was cheating on you with meant a lot to her, then she wouldnt have married you.


You need to try and forgive her and work it out. Talk to her about it. Maybe try to get help for your mariage.


If this doesnt work, then you should probably get a divorce. It will cause so many more problems is you dont.
It isn't about the past being in the past, it is about your future. This woman made a commitment to you and every thing else has been so good up to this point. Why would you want something so minor to ruin all of that. Most spouses have slept with someone else before us so let it go. You just need to stop thinking about it and focus on the here and now and all the good things you share together.
Try marriage counseling. You have every right to be angry. My fiance' cheated on me once and it took a while but we got through it and now our relationship is better than ever. It didn't happen over night it took a lot of time, but we made it and I'm happy that we did. So if you really love your wife don't give up!!!
Well, If my wife cheated on me in the past or present i wouldn't trust her anymore. When some body cheated on you it means that she does not care about you even if she says that she loves you. Well if she loved you she would think that before not after the cheating.
best thing you can do, is to talk about everything. put all your cards on the table and get it out there and Talk. the worse thing you can do is keep it bottled up inside. the fact that she cheated will never go away...its how you deal with it and manage the situation.
i've been cheated on too. it hurts. BAD, indescribable. but over time u eventually learn to stop thinking about it. but it will be a while, you'll find urself picking at it. like she'll be talking about pancakes %26amp; you'll be like ';i bet HE liked pancakes'; just little things like that. good luck, its hard to trust after that.
Wow You just have to keep busy to keep you mind of it.... It will get better you going to have to leave her that sucks Like that saying trick me once shame on you trick me twice shame one me(is that how it goes?) Talk to her tell her how you feel if you can do that?


Ask her why it's going to hurt asking


Sorry this happened Good luck
It's a natural feeling to be disgusted with the situation. Give yourself some time, and maybe see a counselor together that can help you through this difficult time.





How does she feel? Does she feel remorseful? If she cheats again my advise is leave her. But right now, try to work out the marriage, you sound like you love her and want to make things work.





Good Luck!
It happened before you two were married. I'm sure you feel deceived and probably don't trust her. Without trust there is no foundation to build on.





Either leave her or seek counseling together to work towards forgiveness.





Good luck.
Some more info would help others give more relevant answers.





1. What exactly was your relationship with her; engaged, girlfriend, acquaintances?





2. Who told you or how did you find out about the cheating





3. (assuming it was not her who told you) Does she know you know about the cheating?
If you love her and want to work it out then get professional marriage counciling. If you think she would do it again or you are going to be miserable then divorce her.





Just a question for you. If she hid that from you until now what else is she capable of keeping from you???
How long is a bit of string? Its impossible to say how long it will take for you to get past this.....you will need plenty of time and space to get your head around it. Maybe some space away from your wife would also help. Keep busy, talk to those you trust.
First thing you gotta do is talk to your wife about it. Second thing is you've already got it - it's the past, you just have to live with it. Since this was BEFORE your marriage, I'm sure she knows better now.
you have to talk about it. maybe you can go to counseling and in a couple visits get her in too. you really need to get it out.
This was before you were married and you still feel that way???? I guess if you can't deal with it, get out of the marriage. Good luck finding a virgin to start over.
did she come clean or did someone spill her secret??? if someone else told you she was going to keep lying and deceive you. do you want to stay married to someone like that? think it through follow ur heart.
if they didnt have sex, dont divorce.





If they did... I know a perfect lawyer! JKJKJK!!!!!!!!!


seriously i was just kidding.





good luck man.
Well you and your wife need to sit down and CALMLY talk about this. Don't raise your voice just talk to her and then ask her to forgive your past and you will forgive hers.
you cant. she will have to find a way to make it up to you. if she doesnt try..... then she doesnt care, at that would mean you guys should talk about your marrige, and mayby re think it
I have no idea what are u talking about..???


before your marriage.. she cheated on you...hahahahhahha..


comeon.. you married the girl and just forget about it. past. LOL.. and move on with your life... ;)
Seperate for a short period of time to clear your head and decide what you really want.
You should seek couples counseling.
Warn her not to cheat again or else its game over.
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER